Currently Reading The Book of Ruth (Oprah's Book Club) By Jane Hamilton see related

missing

today i am sad.  and the one person i want to comfort me is the one person that can't.  i hope you get through whatever you're working through quickly.  and that you still want to be with me when you're on the other side of it.  i love you more than you know.

i miss you already.

Currently Listening Feels Like Today By Rascal Flatts see related

today is a blog worthy day.

after one of the worst weeks, a huge fight with D in the middle of the night followed by some hashing out of some important matters, the death of Grandma P and a bunch of small things gone horribly wrong (like spilling hot coffee down my leg at the beginning of the work day) - i so needed a good weekend.

it's already been an interesting weekend - was propositioned along with D to join a swinging couple (leaving us both creeped out, oddly flattered and intensly amused), had an interesting evening with D altogether, went to a baby shower this morning, got my hair permed and tonight I'm babysitting for some lovely kiddos.  Now I just need to get through tomorrow's 8:30am call time, the post-Celebration meeting, cleaning the apt., and then there's the Superbowl party (i so need to win the office superbowl squares - i need the money!) I'm looking forward to it.

Embraced is having a reunion show.  i was wary about seeing GP again.  but i hear he's moving to Boston like he always wanted.  and he had a nice thing to say about me on a myspace profile.  so what the hey...i'll go.  i've missed him.  we used to be good friends.  and in the vein of ex's...

today would've been the ex's and my wedding day.  here's to the us that could have been - and let's raise our glass to God for making sure we never happened.  I stopped hating you a long time ago.  Some days I wonder what you're up to.  I hope today finds you happy and well.  I hope you find love. 

it sure looked like he loved me.  i know i'm totally over the ex (pictured above) but tonight i'm sad that love never quite works out for me so bear with me.  i miss D - i think we could've been something wonderful.

i can't take anymore broken hearts.

i'm closing out with some John Mayer lyrics - for my love life in general:

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

and for D:

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit ever game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
Leave the light on
For me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

Currently Reading At Home in Mitford (Mitford) By Jan Karon see related

things have been interesting lately.  i love my temp job - the work isn't hard but it keeps me busy and the people are great.  i'm hoping it'll turn into something more permanent.  we'll see.

D and i broke up but we're trying to be friends.  it was kind of a mutual break-up after fighting the same fight three weeks in a row but still mostly him as he's the one that keeps bringing up the same issue.  but the next day he called and we talked some things out (the whole being friends thing/not being completely ready to give up on each other/being special to one another) and ended up meeting for coffee and the watching a movie he rented back at his house.  he cried at starbucks - he understands what it's like to be in my position and how hurt and angry i have every right to be and how much it meant that i was there and willing to work at being friends.  neither of us is ruling out getting back together in the future.  but it's really hard for me not to want to hold his hand and kiss him hello.  it's awkward and difficult but i think it's going to get easier given some time.  he came to church today and went to the church lunch at cici's and to see narnia (FANTASTIC!) which is a HUGE deal seeing as he was uncomfortable with the idea of church/corporate worship - he's more of a Bible study kind of guy.  i'm glad he still comes and that he's come every sunday since the first time i invited him.  if nothing else comes from our relationship, i feel good knowing i've connected him to a church family because they are so important. 

i'll keep this updated as much as possible.  time to head back to the apt.  i am wicked tired and starting to get sick. blah.

Currently Reading The Shadow of the Wind By Carlos Ruiz Zafon see related

I am still with D.  We've almost hit 2 months - which is already longer than my relationship with GP.  I dreamed about GP last night.  i woke up feeling all kinds of confused.  why won't my dreams let him go?  i'm ridiculously happy where i'm at and who i'm with.  it's frustrating and confusing.